People do not know what they have until it is gone. I just am not supposed to be here. I am supposed to be somewhere else...not here. This is all screwed up. I have no motivation. I don't care. I just don't care. Going through the motions and emotions for everyone else. Do you need someone too, just like those people who find peace in someone's promises? You sure don't need my promises... So come and sit on my box, enjoy the view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. If you open your eyes, take a look at this mess, could you fake your reflection, child? If you reach out for more, you'll find nothing but sorrow. 'Cause knowledge is hollow. And pride is hard to swallow. So come and sit on my box, take a view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. GUS GUS well folks I feel like my lifeboat is sinking but I'm checking out the view as I go down. I just wish it was SD and not here.

I am so glad it is summer break. I have enjoyed it so far. Time to do homework, camping, doctor visits and clients. My daughter came down last week and we had a good time going to movies, tattooed, pedicures, my haircut, coloring my hair and then she got sick. Poor Bo. Nephro doctor wants blood work, seems to think in two months I will be on dialysis. Will have to wait on my dream just a bit. I keep reading about how the first month or so you are wiped out from Hemo....not looking forward to that. They are still working on my Asthma issue. The only thing that really works is the Symbicort but it raises my blood pressure. Yet in order to be comfortable to breath I need it...such a catch-22. I just want everything to work the way it is supposed too. My fistula is growing. I have to squeeze the spongy thing every day so it will be ready. Going for blood work tomorrow, here is hoping nothing changed except my cholesterol went down.

Going on transplant

Listing. I have applied for a kidney. They are having me do tons of tests! I hope I dont have to wait 8-10years. I am going to double list in San Diego too. They said it is a shorter wait time.
Wish me luck and maintain the hope!!!

Home

I am home from surgery. The arm hurts, headache from hell and I am not taking vicodine. It makes me nauseas! That is the worse feeling. I can feel the thrill in my fistula. Almost like my own kitty purring. 😊🐱

Home

I am home from surgery. The arm hurts, headache from hell and I am not taking vicodine. It makes me nauseas! That is the worse feeling. I can feel the thrill in my fistula. Almost like my own kitty purring. 😊🐱

The ride begins....pre-anesthesia appt tomorrow

Going in tomorrow for the pre-anesthesia appt. This is before the surgery next week on the 11th. They are going to put it in my right upper arm. I hope it works and no fallout from it. Worried a bit about it. Just hoping all goes well.

Life is turning and turning
My world is leaving
A new one is starting
Hoping for happiness
Hoping for love
Hoping for health
Hoping that all turns out for ultimate best

Let me tell you about the steroid inhaler...it was the culprit to my headache! It raises my bp high which causes a headache - severe. So the primary doctor prescribed me yet another $25 inhaler. I cannot figure out how to use it. When I did it, it did not work through the night like the steroid inhaler. The new one is the Flovent. It is weird to use. The old one is Symbicort. I think I may stay with the Symbicort, maybe every other night. Congestion has started in my lungs too, don't know if it is from the Asthma or a cold. The pulmonologist had me go in for a CT of my lungs. Will find out Monday how that went. SO MUCH is going on that it is all going by in a blip.

Went to Chinatown with daughter and her bf. We had a great time. Picked up some Green Tea and Ginger Tea. Ate at King Taco and it was pretty good.

Stayed home today

due to waking with a major headache. It was like I was in a vise. Then nausea set in and I couldn't wake up to motivate. If I walked to the bathroom that pounded in my head.
I also made a call in regard to my referral because it has been two weeks. I had to call the primary group in order to get the ball rolling...no return call. I also need to make some other calls tomorrow. I need to find out about SSDI too.
Crazy times ahead.