This is my arm after first dialysis try....ya it didn't work. Now they want to give me a chest cath, then do a transposition on my vein in my arm to bring it up higher. MORE surgeries. Yeesh. GFR 8 BUN Creat 6

If your going through hell....keep going. Winston Churchhill

Symptoms that can occur in stage 5 CKD include:

Loss of appetite

Nausea or vomiting

Headaches

Being tired

Being unable to concentrate

Itching

Making little or no urine

Swelling, especially around the eyes and ankles

Muscle cramps

Tingling in hands or feet

Changes in skin color

Increased skin pigmentation

GFR 8 - Creat 5.5 Fistula may be clogged, so not working. Have to get a fistulagram/angioplasty. If I go into complete kidney failure they will have to chest cath me until it works...not a great thing to happen. I wish I had someone here to pat me on the back and tell me it is going to be okay. I know it is but would be nice to have someone there for appts and upcoming outpatient surgeries.

People do not know what they have until it is gone. I just am not supposed to be here. I am supposed to be somewhere else...not here. This is all screwed up. I have no motivation. I don't care. I just don't care. Going through the motions and emotions for everyone else. Do you need someone too, just like those people who find peace in someone's promises? You sure don't need my promises... So come and sit on my box, enjoy the view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. If you open your eyes, take a look at this mess, could you fake your reflection, child? If you reach out for more, you'll find nothing but sorrow. 'Cause knowledge is hollow. And pride is hard to swallow. So come and sit on my box, take a view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. GUS GUS well folks I feel like my lifeboat is sinking but I'm checking out the view as I go down. I just wish it was SD and not here.

I am so glad it is summer break. I have enjoyed it so far. Time to do homework, camping, doctor visits and clients. My daughter came down last week and we had a good time going to movies, tattooed, pedicures, my haircut, coloring my hair and then she got sick. Poor Bo. Nephro doctor wants blood work, seems to think in two months I will be on dialysis. Will have to wait on my dream just a bit. I keep reading about how the first month or so you are wiped out from Hemo....not looking forward to that. They are still working on my Asthma issue. The only thing that really works is the Symbicort but it raises my blood pressure. Yet in order to be comfortable to breath I need it...such a catch-22. I just want everything to work the way it is supposed too. My fistula is growing. I have to squeeze the spongy thing every day so it will be ready. Going for blood work tomorrow, here is hoping nothing changed except my cholesterol went down.

Going on transplant

Listing. I have applied for a kidney. They are having me do tons of tests! I hope I dont have to wait 8-10years. I am going to double list in San Diego too. They said it is a shorter wait time.
Wish me luck and maintain the hope!!!

Home

I am home from surgery. The arm hurts, headache from hell and I am not taking vicodine. It makes me nauseas! That is the worse feeling. I can feel the thrill in my fistula. Almost like my own kitty purring. 😊🐱

Home

I am home from surgery. The arm hurts, headache from hell and I am not taking vicodine. It makes me nauseas! That is the worse feeling. I can feel the thrill in my fistula. Almost like my own kitty purring. 😊🐱

The ride begins....pre-anesthesia appt tomorrow

Going in tomorrow for the pre-anesthesia appt. This is before the surgery next week on the 11th. They are going to put it in my right upper arm. I hope it works and no fallout from it. Worried a bit about it. Just hoping all goes well.

Life is turning and turning
My world is leaving
A new one is starting
Hoping for happiness
Hoping for love
Hoping for health
Hoping that all turns out for ultimate best

Let me tell you about the steroid inhaler...it was the culprit to my headache! It raises my bp high which causes a headache - severe. So the primary doctor prescribed me yet another $25 inhaler. I cannot figure out how to use it. When I did it, it did not work through the night like the steroid inhaler. The new one is the Flovent. It is weird to use. The old one is Symbicort. I think I may stay with the Symbicort, maybe every other night. Congestion has started in my lungs too, don't know if it is from the Asthma or a cold. The pulmonologist had me go in for a CT of my lungs. Will find out Monday how that went. SO MUCH is going on that it is all going by in a blip.

Went to Chinatown with daughter and her bf. We had a great time. Picked up some Green Tea and Ginger Tea. Ate at King Taco and it was pretty good.

Stayed home today

due to waking with a major headache. It was like I was in a vise. Then nausea set in and I couldn't wake up to motivate. If I walked to the bathroom that pounded in my head.
I also made a call in regard to my referral because it has been two weeks. I had to call the primary group in order to get the ball rolling...no return call. I also need to make some other calls tomorrow. I need to find out about SSDI too.
Crazy times ahead.

Waiting for the referral to get my

vein mapping now. After that comes the ultrasound and then the surgery. My friend who has been on dialysis assures me that everything will be fine. I know this is my lifeline and I am okay with that...but....you still have to be somewhat leery. The first two months on dialysis is the scariest and touchiest.
I have noticed that I am getting harder to wake up and get moving. My naps are longer now. Nausea, headaches, itchy eyes, some itchy skin, confusion (I hate that part of it, considering I need my brain to work) and MUSCLE CRAMPS!!!
Those are the worse when in the middle of sleeping you stretch and WHAM instant PAIN in the calf!!
I tried massaging it back, bending it in a position to stop it and I have learned not to get up and walk on it! Crikey!! The first one I got up in the morning to go to the bathroom and omg...I sat back down real quick. Have you ever had a muscle cramp or side cramp? Times it by 5 and you may have an inkling of what I am dealing with. I have been reading on Ihatedialysis.com that to drink tonic water. I will be purchasing some of that tomorrow! I am just so freaking tired all the time. Mentally and physically. If it wasn't for the green tea I drink I would be a pile of blankets. The Asthma seems to be better now. I have a steroid inhaler that I use once a night and that is keeping me under control and able to sleep at night...minus the muscle cramps.
Had to give up my kitten due to the cat litter cleaning, his bonzaing all over my arms and lifting the cat box. Sad. I miss my little Chandler Bing kitty.
Met an old friend from Grand Junction on Facebook. He is now my oldest friend I have! Dorrie is my BEST friend and I have known her since I was 15. Jonny I have known since I was 13 (I think...lol). How old are you in the 9th grade?
I have taken 2 months off from college to get a handle on the dialysis so I do not fail in my first class working on my B.A.
Well catch ya'all on the flip!

Vein mapping on the 10th

Getting a surgical consult for the AV fistula on the 10th. NOT looking forward to that. So much with my health lately that I am going cuckoo. I was told I had Whooping Cough with my Asthma. COUGHING is a PAIN all over!
Going to Vegas for my baby's 21st bday on the 3rd and 4th. Should be very interesting!

Waiting for the vein mapping referral

Doing okay this week, seem to be the same as last week. The coughing is way worse than before. Going to see the primary doctor tomorrow, please let him help me. I am so tired of being told stupid stuff and given more meds that do not work. JUST FIX ME!!!

GFR 15 Vein mapping, dialysis and confusion

I cannot concentrate, nausea, headache, vomiting, hiccups, itchy and tired all day every day. They have put in a referral for vein mapping so I can get set up for an AV fistula. This is what I have talked about for 7 years and it is here. My nerves are going. I know this will save my life and let me live longer. I just want it to work and make me feel better. Then my kids can relax and stop worrying. I think it is time for a therapist.
I'm going to journal all the things going on with me before so when I get better I can appreciate it all.

Awww depression....

yes it has set in. Such an assbiter as this makes any moment suck. I have fleeting spots of happiness - my kitten, my dog, tv shows....but right at this moment I cannot pinpoint what is depressing me.