People do not know what they have until it is gone. I just am not supposed to be here. I am supposed to be somewhere else...not here. This is all screwed up. I have no motivation. I don't care. I just don't care. Going through the motions and emotions for everyone else. Do you need someone too, just like those people who find peace in someone's promises? You sure don't need my promises... So come and sit on my box, enjoy the view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. If you open your eyes, take a look at this mess, could you fake your reflection, child? If you reach out for more, you'll find nothing but sorrow. 'Cause knowledge is hollow. And pride is hard to swallow. So come and sit on my box, take a view of this water, where my lifeboat is sinking. GUS GUS well folks I feel like my lifeboat is sinking but I'm checking out the view as I go down. I just wish it was SD and not here.

I am so glad it is summer break. I have enjoyed it so far. Time to do homework, camping, doctor visits and clients. My daughter came down last week and we had a good time going to movies, tattooed, pedicures, my haircut, coloring my hair and then she got sick. Poor Bo. Nephro doctor wants blood work, seems to think in two months I will be on dialysis. Will have to wait on my dream just a bit. I keep reading about how the first month or so you are wiped out from Hemo....not looking forward to that. They are still working on my Asthma issue. The only thing that really works is the Symbicort but it raises my blood pressure. Yet in order to be comfortable to breath I need it...such a catch-22. I just want everything to work the way it is supposed too. My fistula is growing. I have to squeeze the spongy thing every day so it will be ready. Going for blood work tomorrow, here is hoping nothing changed except my cholesterol went down.